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Funny Redneck Quotes Biography
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs

She was so ugly she could trick or treat over the telephone

Darlin.You’re hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention.

Sweatin’ like a whore in church…

I’m as confused as a blind lesbian in fish market…..

Busier then a one legged man in an ass kickin contest!!!

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt when he hops.

Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree.

That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.

Can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Wal-Mart.

That made my nuts draw up so tight you couldn't reach them with knittin' needles.

It's hotter than the hinges of hell.

He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.

Ain't no point in beatin' a dead horse...'course, can't hurt none either.

Were closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.

Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?

Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.

That's handier than a pocket on a shirt.

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.

Well she’s finer than a frog hair split 8 ways!

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.

She has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

This old truck wouldn’t pull a slick prick out of a lard bucket.

She's so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot

That’s harder than a choir boy in a porn shop

Your mother's so stupid, she thinks cheerios are donut seeds!

I'm so mad I could spit!

He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

I'm happier than a punk in a pickle patch.

That'll go over like a pregnant pole-vaulter.

I'd rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than...

I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!

Madder than a one legged woman at the ihop.

I’m having more fun than a tornado in a trailer park.

Boy you got about as much sense as god gave a goose

She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.



Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.

Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.

She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish.

Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.

He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of july.

Granny cooked enough supper to feed Pharoah's Army.

He couldn't hit the ground if he fell twice!

Busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers.

Madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat.

Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.

Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.

It's colder than a mother-in-law's love.

That’s slicker than greased goose shit.

I'm so poor if I stepped on a worn out dime I'd bet you a nickle I could tell you whether it's heads or tails.

It's Hotter n' hell's basement on the day of reckonin'.

You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a handfull of rice!

That’s slicker than snot on a doorknob

It’s drier than a popcorn fart.

She was battin' her eyes like a toad in a hailstorm.

His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.

Well, I'd smack the fire out of 'em if they acted that way around me.

Why, it's so cold here...we got dogs stuck to fire hydrants all over town.

That's worthless as chicken crap on the pump handle.

It's hotter than a billygoat with a blowtorch.

Heavier than a dead preacher.

That's so hard to do it'd be like trying to put butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot poker!

That boy is as queer as a 3 dollar bill.

He's as nellie as pink ink.

I'm hangin' in there like loose teeth.

That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.

It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

That girls jeans are tight enough to see Lincoln smiling on the penny in her pocket.

Let's make like a turd and hit the trail.

If you don't use your head, you might as well have two asses.

Duct tape is like "The Force." It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

I'm so hungry, every time I swallow my asshole says thank you.

That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe.

If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a June bug.

The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.

If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.

I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.

I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.

It's hotter than two hamsters fucking in a wool sock in the summer time.

Well I'll be dipped in shit and rolled in bread crumbs.

Yall come back now ya hear

If i had swing like that i would ride it every night.

Im fittin to shut out the lights

Gonna carry grandma to the store

That would gag a maggot on a gut wagon.

That fellers so dumb, he don't know sheep shit from cotton seed!

He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.

He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!

You could start an argument in an empty house.

That's lower then quail shit in a wagon rut!

As poor as field mice.

Her ass looks like a couple of squirrels fightin' over an acorn in a gunny sack.

That boy was shaking like a dog shittin' hammer handles.

That truck couldn't pull a spoon out of a cats ASS!

Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut!

He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

If duct tape don't fix'r then you're not using enough duct tape.

Like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

If stupid could fly, you'd be a jet.

Slightly burned out, but still smokin'.

I'm mad enough to drown puppies.

She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!

He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.

Well that just dills my pickle.

You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.

Five gallons of shit in a 2 gallon bucket.

Hard liquor and a hammer oughta fix that